Nearly triple what I’d budgeted back then. But now there’s no flicker of hesitation, no mental calculation of what else that money could fix or who else it could help. I click purchase. The confirmation appears and I feel nothing but satisfaction. No guilt, no worries, no imaginary balance sheet where my needs always registered in red.
The doorbell chimes, pulling me from my thoughts. Through the security camera feed, I spot Marina on my porch holding a bottle of wine. You’re officially the first guest to use the front door instead of the gate intercom. I tell her, swinging the door open. Marina laughs, handing me the wine. Historic moment. Should we take a picture? I usher her inside, watching her eyes widen in space.
This is gorgeous, Rosalie. It feels like you. That’s the best compliment. I led her to the kitchen where dinner waits a meal I cooked because I wanted to, not because I owed anyone anything. Over pasta and wine, we talked about everything except my family. Not because they’re taboo, but because they’re irrelevant.
When Marina finally brings up Corbin, he asked about you again. I find I can listen without that old twist in my stomach. He’ll figure it out eventually, I say, refilling our glasses. Or he won’t. Either way, it’s not my problem anymore. 2 weeks later, I’m at my desk reviewing quarterly numbers when Jenna, our newest sales rep, drops into the chair across from me.
Her face bears the tight, pinched look I recognize from my own mirror years ago. Everything all right? I ask, though I already know it isn’t. My sister’s kid needs braces, she sigh. $5,000. She asked if I could help since I make so much money now. Her fingers form bitter air quotes. And you’re considering it? I say, “Not a question.
She’s family and my nephew is a good kid.” And I lean forward, cutting her off. Let me give you some advice. Don’t ever set yourself on fire just to keep someone else warm. Your value is non-negotiable. Her eyes widened slightly. Trust me, I add. I’ve been the human torch. The scars take years to heal.
The morning of my flight to Italy, I stood in my bedroom, zipping my suitcase closed. Everything I need, nothing I don’t. The simplicity feels luxurious. I carry the suitcase downstairs through the house that belongs only to me. At the front door, I pause to set the security system, then step outside into the bright morning sun.
The warmth touches my face and I smile. Not the tight, peopleleasing smile I perfected over years of giving away pieces of myself, but something real and unhurried. The workhorse has been released from her harness. The journey is finally mine.
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